The Soapbox Papers

The Soapbox Papers is my two-cents worth.

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Location: Beloit, Wisconsin, United States

I am a cross between Tinkerbell and Calamity Jane.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Beginning Again

I guess I needed a break.

If you are used to writing on a daily basis and then don't write for a day or two - stuff you want to say piles up and it is harder to begin again. And the longer it is, the harder it becomes to get down to business and address all the thoughts that normally are put down in a (quasi) orderly fashion and it snowballs into weeks of silence -- when that is not the intention.

It certainly isn't that nothing has happened, nor that I haven't had much to write about - but it is breaking the silence in the first place that is the hardest, and that is what I am doing today, so that, perhaps, tomorrow will be easier to write, and the next day and the next.

I forget sometimes that some of the rules by which I have been living my life are arbitrary, and not based on fact or truth or any of the upright things we think are behind rules. Some of the rules that I have held since childhood were given me by a parent wishing to avoid embarrassment ("Don't ask for anything," the parent would say as we entered a store, thereby avoiding the embarrassment of having to say no, we can't afford it.) or developed by a child's mind ("I can't ask for anything because ... says I can't. That must be right.") For years, such rules (I use the asking for things as an example; there are other rules just as falsely set) are a part of who I am, and I tell myself that it is part of my independence, part of the self-sufficient person I am - thereby giving it a positive spin. But when you break it down to its basics, the rule is not one that should continue to hold to, hard and fast.

I have been remembering, of late, that as she who makes the rules by which she lives, I am also she who can modify and even break these rules as I see fit. (I can hear my daughter's voice as I write this saying, "Well -- yeah!")

So the rule that if I skip a day or two here, on this blog, I have to explain it in the next entry -- is hereby abolished. If I skip a day, I skip a day and I probably had a fairly good time doing something useless during that time. From this point forward, this will be less a daily episodic blog, but more of a series of essays that may or may not connect to anything else on the planet. So I begin again, more rationally.

I never said I ran out of things to say.


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